I Killed Jesus

I remember when I was in High School. I had just become a Christian and was at a Bible Study for students at a girl's house who went to my school. Her father was leading us in a study and he asked the question, "What would you have done if you were present at the crucifixion of Jesus?" Now, I was a new believer and particularly zealous and passionate for Christ at this time. As several students gave their answers I shared mine. I said something like, "I would have fought to get him down off the cross, even if they killed me." Our patient leader listened to everyone share and then gave his answer. What he said floored me.

"If I was there, I would have joined in with the guards and helped crucify Jesus myself."

I couldn't believe he said that. But after listening to his reason I understood. He told us that without the death of Jesus on the cross he, along with us, would have no hope. If Jesus did not pay our sin debt on the cross thereby satisfying the wrath of God we would have to pay it and of course as sinners we cannot and so our sin would condemn us to hell.

Recently I heard a quote from C.J. Mahaney on the cross. (I highly encourage you to listen to any messages of his you can find online, just do a google search and you will see several). I heard this in a song "were you there" by Shai Linne, listen to it on his myspace page (www.myspace.com/shailinne). Shail is a hip hop artist from Philly and uses the quote in the end of the song.

Before we can see the cross as something done for us leading us to faith and worship. We have to see it has something done by us leading us to repentance. Only the man or woman who is prepared to own his share in the guilt of the cross may share his share in it's grace.

Whoa... read that again. While it is so painful to understand that I share in the guilt of the cross... it is also makes the cross that much sweeter. We must not simply tell people that God loves them through what Jesus did but we must also help people to see their role in his death. Namely the sin that they (we) have committed which separates them from God, condemns them to hell, and that which Christ paid for on behalf of his elect/those who would believe in His name!

My Bible study leaders response shocked me. However, as I have thought about this even more I realize that we really did kill Jesus. My sin killed the Son of God. When Jesus was on the cross some part of the suffering he went through was actually caused by me. A piece of the wrath of God that Jesus experienced was meant for me due to my sin.

So yes... I helped kill Jesus.

Where is God in your life?

I was driving in my car the other day thinking about what God was calling me too and wondering how I was going to accomplish it when the Holy Spirit dropped these words into my heart.

Don't set up your life in such a way so that you don't need God to work.

You see, as I was making my plans and figuring out what I was going to do with my life I got discouarged (notice the over use of personal pronouns... big mistake). It was a slap to the face. God was saying, "Where am I in your plans?" "Do you even need me to work?" Isn't it amazing how so subtly we can find ourselves in a place where we don't really need God. We have our jobs, our ministries, our plans, and all these things we can pretty much take care of. There are no question marks. There are no, "God if you don't do __________, this will fail."

This is scary though isn't it?

This is the place of faith. If you are a leader of a church, ministry, home, etc. this is even more frightening because your decisions don't just affect you but others. For example, if God is calling you to move to a new area but you don't know how God will provide the housing you need... it requires faith to declare it. Why? Because once you make it known you are committed and you must move forward depending on God alone and others are watching. I remember when my wife and I knew that we were called to move from Chicago to Baltimore in 02'. We were expecting our second child a month before our move. We didn't renew our lease, I didn't have a job lined up, and we didn't have a place to live but we knew we were called. God provided all of that and more in an incredible way. What is God calling you to literally trust him with? What is it that you will believe him for that only He can do? God honors faith in Him!

Wow... my heart gets stirred even as I write this with incredible hope because when I think of operating in this way not only does peace come because I can trust God, not only does hope come because I know he will do more than I imagined, but even more incredible glory will be given to Jesus alone as he accomplishes His will in a way that only He can and I stand in amazement!

Check this dope verse...

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen" Ephesians 3.20-21

Poverty in B-More

There is an interesting article about the state of Maryland and poverty in the Baltimore Sun "Ideas" section today. Seek link

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/ideas/bal-id.poverty09mar09,0,3323127.story

While Maryland is one of the wealthiest states to live in, it also has some startling poverty statitics particularly in Allegany County, Somerset County, and of course Baltimore City. In Baltimore City 22.2% of the population lives in poverty. One out of every five people! The city has approximately 650,000 residents so that is about 144,300 people. To be counted in this statistic if single you must make no more than $9,973 or if a family of four no more than $20,000. In actual fact the number of people living in poverty is greater as there are more people who maybe didn't make the official "poverty cut off" yet are still attempting to carve out a living making substandard wages. While this is troubling, it is even worse for youth. Taking the total number of youth (18 and under) the statitic jumps to 30.9% of the youth of Baltimore living in poverty.

What is the point Rob? Poverty is a very serious issue in Baltimore. (I hate even saying it is an "issue" because that "issue" is little boys and girls and adults struggling). What many bloggers and would be prophets have done at this point after hearing these statistics (myself included) is then begin to criticize the church and call them to really have concern for the poor, which could be a good idea as it seems like at times we (I am a part of the church too) don't care that much (Proverbs 21.13).

However for me, at least this time, this is not what I want to do. Why? Because if I am honest I am not sure I am doing a whole lot for "the poor" myself (confession ya'll). Here is what I am saying. Instead of making the church (meaning Church Y and Pastor X) responsible and accountable for poverty in Baltimore. I want to know if there are any believers in the city or outside of the city that actually want to do something real for those in poverty here. I want to know if there is anyone that actually wants to hire a young man who has a record. I want to know if there are any professionals that are willing to band their resources together to purchase a home and provide housing for those in need. I want to know if there is anyone already offering real solutions or wanting to be involved in offering real solutions.

I just celebrated my 30th birthday. My last blog was actually on my birthday, February 8th. As I think about my life and the next 40 years of my life in which I am expected to live, I want to make it count. I want to actually do one or two things well that makes a difference in the city I love. If you are interested in that as well, I'd love to hear from you.

"7But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare."
Jeremiah 29.7

Baltimore City?

I have a call to Baltimore City.

It doesn't make any sense. I grew up in a suburb outside of D.C. with virtually no exposure to the urban realities of America's cities until I was 18. I am an Eagle Scout and spent one weekend a month going camping from 5th - 12th grade. As I got older I got heavily involved in mountain biking, backpacking, and rock climbing. When College came on the horizon I wanted to go into forestry and ultimately live someplace where I could pursue all my outdoor related hobbies.

Jesus changed that.

When I was in college I had the opportunity to do street ministry in one of the worst neighborhoods in Harrisburg, PA. Why 12 white students from the local Christian college decided to go to the hood on Saturday night at 8pm to pass out tracks still baffles me. The administration must not have known where we were taking the college van.

When we arrived on the scene I got partnerned up with a fellow student who was a pentecostal. I told her I would be praying for her and she could do most of the talking. She wasn't even 2 steps out of the van and she was witnessing to a woman walking by. She told me it was my turn now. I approached a young man standing up on a stoop. He was looking down at me. Intimidated and full of fear I told him we were out talking to people about Jesus and asked if he had ever heard about him. He said he had just gotten out of jail where he went to a few church services. My fear heightened as I was now witnessing to an ex-con. However, in that moment the Holy Spirit filled me and I began to preach. I don't even remember everything I said. But I told him about God creating the world and Jesus coming to die for us on the cross. The girl I was with was stunned as she watched me speak. From that moment on I knew I was called to urban ministry. I didn't know where or how but I knew I was called.

The adventure continued.

From there I went on to complete my B.A. in Urban Ministry at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. I got married and we had our first child 9 months later. We stayed in Chicago for a few years after graduation serving in a great church, Uptown Baptist, and working. It was there that God called me to preach and plant a church. God then led my wife and I to move back to Baltimore with no clear plan other than to live and do ministry there. God opened a door for me to work with the Baptist Convention of Maryland Delaware to plant a Church in Baltimore. So we moved to Pigtown in Southwest Baltimore not knowing anyone to begin planting gospel seeds. We did a ton of ministry and had many experiences that changed our lives. One thing we did was paint a mural on the side of my house with about 20 volunteers from the neighboorhood. It is still there (632 Scott Street Baltimore 21230).

However, after 3 years of work and not a lot of fruit we were discouraged and burnt out. God led us to connect with a church planting network called Acts 29 (www.acts29network.org) and they assessed me as a church planter but one who needed some more training and growth. So I made the hardest decision I have ever made in my life and shut down the ministry I had labored to build for three years to focus on my family, theology, and personal ministry growth.

He sent me back.

Upon receiving the advice from Acts 29 to shut down the ministry we were also invited by Pastor Shaun Garman to move out to Portland, Or and do an internship with Red Sea Church (www.redseachurch.com). It was a hard time for me as I was working out all my feelings of failure at planting a church and questioning my call into ministry. However, God slowly began to restore me and build up our family and ministry. We became an integral part of Red Sea and were deeply blessed by our spiritual family there. We were able to do alot of minsitry there and be a part of seeing the church grow from about 80 to 140 in weekly church attendance. I learned a ton from Pastor Shaun who became one of my closest brothers and my spiritual mentor. He is my "Paul" and I am his "Timothy."

During our year and 10 months there I wondered if I would come back to Baltimore. There were times when I highly considered staying in Portland where I had a great spiritual family and an opportunity to minister. But, God would always bring Baltimore back to my heart. There was a time when I was particularly frustrated and asked God for a clear "sign" on whether or not we were to come back. Then he reminded me of a literal sign 2 blocks from my house. "Baltimore Next Signal." The image above is an actual picture of a sign down the street from where we lived in Portland. What are the chances that we of all people would buy a house in Portland right near this sign? I think it was because God wanted to remind us while we were there that Baltimore was next. It was coming up. And it came up... because we are back.

Congratulations if you got to the end of this long blog. If you know Jesus, would you please pray for us and the ministry God has for us here.

Dr. King and Me

When I was in college I began reading more on the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I remember being deeply challenged and changed when I read his "Letter from Birmingham Jail." He wrote it, obviously, from jail to several white prominent Alabama clergy who had "published an open letter earlier... that called on King to allow the battle for integration to continue in the local and federal courts, and warned that King's nonviolent resistance whould have the effec tof inciting civli disturbances."

I want to encourage you to take a moment today in honor of Dr. King to read this profound letter.

http://www.stanford.edu/group/King/frequentdocs/birmingham.pdf

Dr. King challenged the apathetic "white moderate" christians and "white church" who at the time did not participate in the struggle for racial equality and often criticized the non-violent action of Dr. King and those with him. Listen to what he says...

"In the midst of blatant injustices inflicted upon the Negro, I have watched white churches stand on the sideline and merely mouth pious irrelevancies and sanctimonious trivialities. In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard so many ministers say, 'Those are social issues with which the gospel has no real concern,' and I have watched so many churches commit themselves to a completely otherworldly religion which made a strange distinction between body and soul, the sacred and the secular."

This quote and many others you will find in this letter began to stir something in my soul and still does. "The church on the sideline" is still too often the norm when it comes to the still existing racial and economic injustice that exists in many impoverished black communities. In Baltimore, where I live, this can still be seen by taking a drive through the city. In any direction you go it won't be long before you will see impoverished communities one after another.

I believe there is a place in the church for a holy prophetic anger that moves us to action and I pray that Dr. King's letter, our own Biblical reflection, and observation of the existing racial and economic disparities that exist today would move us to action!

Please view this brief video a friend of mine, Mike Shive, made in honor of Dr. King
http://www.dvxs.com/video/mlkvideo-wmv.wmv

A blunt and a Conversation

I live in a great neighborhood. It is called Lauraville and is in North East Baltimore near Morgan State University. In a recent article it was referred to as one of Baltimore's more 'undiscovered' communities... meaning you can still get a large single family home for an affordable price.

Anyway, we love it and have enjoyed getting to know our neighbors one of whom is a single mom with several young men/teenagers living in the house. In case you haven't been around young black men in Urban America recently... one goal of these guys is basically to appear hard. So many of them don't know how to respond when their new neighbor does something which many of us consider to be normal... that is act friendly toward them.

I am the guy who yells across the street, "What's up man." I usually get a strange look and if I am lucky a nod and a "whassup" back. However, one of these young cats (slang for young men) has always been extra friendly with me. It seems like anytime we are outside at the same time he makes it a point to holler across the street at me. For some reason he wants to know me and hang out.

On New Years Eve I saw him out front and went across the street to talk with him. I found out I am about 10 years older than him and he recently got fired from his job but had found another one at a local pizza joint. He promised to give me 50% off on pizza. He asked me if I smoked to which I replied "yes" because I thought he was talking about cigars. Then I noticed he was referring to the blunt of marajuana he had in his hand to which I replied, "no." I rarely smoke a cigar and don't smoke weed. He told me of his plans to quit for awhile noting that he was tired of paying for it and that it wasn't helping him much in life. Even still he lit it up and smoked it like it was a cigarette right on the sidewalk in the middle of the afternoon.

I invited him to a new years day party we were having the next day. He didn't show up but promised me he would. I guess I was just glad to get to know this guy and I know somehow a piece of the gospel got through when a 29 year old white family man invites a 19 year old blunt smoking baltimore kid into his home.

One person at a time...

Today as I drove around Baltimore, my heart was burdened for the people here. I kept asking myself and asking God out of a sense of desperation, “How do we reach Baltimore with the good news that Jesus died for them and loves them and is offering forgiveness, joy, and meaning for life now and for eternity?”

The answer is… one person at a time.

This past Tuesday we had a New Year’s Day party. We had 34 adults and 21 kids come by. It was great! They all showed up and left sometime between 2 and 6pm. Many of those who came were from our church and some were a mix of people I know in Baltimore. But we also had some of our neighbors and a friend of Miriam’s from school come with her family. It was great to see a mingling of Christians and those who don’t yet know Christ all in my house watching football and eating food. I was able to have some spiritual conversations with my friends and neighbors but mostly we just enjoyed each other, talked about life, and football. Through Christmas cookies, ham, and noisy kids upstairs I think some gospel seeds were planted.

Last week I found out that one of the fathers I know from Miriam and Samuel’s school… his fiancé had just given birth to a boy. I congratulated him and then brought him a meal. It is hard taking care of dinner when a newborn is around so it is a common practice in many churches that to bring dinners over for the family so they don’t have to deal with cooking. Many new parents who are unchurched don’t have anyone helping out. So it is an easy thing to do to show someone the love of Jesus through a frozen lasagna and bag of salad. He was blessed and very appreciative that we thought of them and even called me later to thank me again. Another seed was planted.

I know we can hold great events that will draw a crowd (like Jesus did) and this is also important when we think about planting churches and reaching people for Christ. However, I think what we need most is an army of Christians living out their lives missionally week in and week out sharing their lives and sharing their homes with those who don’t yet know Jesus. This is how we reach this city… one person at a time.